Hellraiser Oliver Reid tells his own story

November 23, 1985     Article

HELLRAISER OLIVER REID TELLS HIS OWN STORY

‘I CAN DRINK 75 PINTS OF BEER’

I’m like an earthquake says Ollie

EXCLUSIVE

Adapted from his book I AM AN ATOM BOMB’ © Oliver Reid 1985

Olly Reid

I’ve always had a reputation as a bit of a hellraiser. But I can’t complain. I’m a pretty wild bloke. In my time I’ve smashed up every bar and been thrown out of every posh hotel in the world at least three times.

I was thrown out of The Savoy in London once because I kept jumping out of my twelfth floor window and landing on my head in the car park. I was trying to smash a friend’s car but in the event I came back with a bulldozer and flattened the hotel.

VODKA

I happen to enjoy drinking. I drank vodka standing on my head until I was about fourteen. Nowadays I prefer 75 pints of beer, down the hatch in one. .And that’s nothing. I often drink twice that much without needing the toilet.

SMASH

If I go out for a meal it’s as if an earthquake has hit town. I usually smash the table with my girlfriend or use the chairs as a knife and fork. In one restaurant I ordered twelve colour televisions, chewed them up and spat them in the waiter’s face.

GUMPTION

My crazy diet of electrical appliances and broken glass often leads to stomach trouble. I often have to pump it myself — with a gallon of liquid Gumption and an industrial vacuum cleaner.

‘l ate fourteen dolphins’

I’m pretty well known for my crazy and dangerous pranks. A friend  once bet me £500 that I wouldn’t eat a live goldfish. I took him along to the zoo and ate 14 dolphins before I was sick. Afterwards I ate another six.

BLEW UP

On another occasion I drank ten pints of nitroglycerine and then locked myself in a friend’s washing machine. When he switched it on I blew up, destroying his entire house.

I’m also well known for going through doors without opening them. I had a 36 room mansion built for me in Hollywood without a single door in it. I prefer to make them myself by barging through the walls head first.

DAMAGE

I always pay for any damage I cause — unless I don’t particularly feel like it. Being a hellraiser can turn out to be a pretty expensive business.

EXPANDS

 I normally get through at least a dozen shirts a week because my body expands to  twice its normal size whenever I get angry. A bit like the Incredible Hulk actually. Many friends have taken to calling me ‘the Werewolf’ because I can change so dramatically. Come to think of it my face does get quite hairy sometimes.

As a matter of fact there have been a few sheep found torn limb from limb in the fields near where I live. And I do get the odd bloodstain on my clothing when I wake up in the mornings.

Next week Ollie describes his X-ray vision and reveals that only kryptonite rays can kill him.

Oliver Reid is a gas fitter from Birmingham and in no way connected with Oliver Reed, the well known British film actor.
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