Letterbocks

I'M FED up with people moaning about the recent floods and complaining that their councils did little to help. My dad was caught in a flood and he didn't just sit on his fat arse waiting for the council to bring him some sandbags. He got his finger out and built a bloody great boat and filled it with animals. Not bad for a six-hundred year old.

Japheth, Mount Ararat

CAN YOU settle an argument? My wife says I'm a drunken bastard for coming home at 3 in the morning and pissing in the wardrobe. I say she's a lazy cow who never makes any effort to look nice, and if she gave me a bit now and then I wouldn't have to go looking for it elsewhere. Who is correct?

T. Arnold, London

MY MIDDLE name is Kenelm, which is Anglo Saxon for 'Bold Helmet'. Can any of your readers beat that?

Matthew Hunter, e-mail

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