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Sucking Hell!

November 9, 2008

Sucking Hell!

Sucking Hell! When the UK gets sucked inside out by the CERN black hole, it will be a very different place to the one we know today. The streets will be strewn with carpets and furniture as houses suddenly find their rooms on the outside. Hungry zoo animals will roam our towns when their cages […]

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Fat Britain: All Change as Obesity Epidemic Threatens UK

December 22, 2007

Fat  Britain: All Change as Obesity Epidemic Threatens UK

Fat Britain All Change as Obesity Epidemic Threatens UK Every day it seems that a new report is released predicting shocking increases in British obesity levels. According to the latest figures, 78% of the population is presently overweight, and that figure increasing every day. And if scientists’ predictions prove correct, by 2020 every single person in the country will be clinically obese. […]

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Article

Our Father Who Dart In Heaven

February 9, 2007

Our Father Who Dart In Heaven

Church Jubilant as New Miracle Discovered Our Father Who Dart In Heaven A boy tending goats on a Palestinian hillside has discovered what is believed to be a fragment of a long lost gospel. It contains an account of a miracle performed by Jesus which is not mentioned in the Bible and was previously unknown to […]

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Article

Death of the Milkman

November 22, 2005

Death of the  Milkman

Death of the Milkman Britain’s traditional randy milkman is set to become a thing of the past as demand for one of his doorstep services has slumped to an all time low. According to figures released this week, the number of scantily clad housewives demanding early morning sexual intercourse with their delivery of milk has declined tenfold in […]

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8 Ace, Classic Strip

8 Ace

February 24, 2005

8 Ace

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Article

Local Artist Takes Saatchi Prize

December 22, 2002

Local Artist Takes Saatchi Prize

Local Artist Takes Saatchi Prize By our art correspondent ALFRED SHAN De BASS A little known north eastern artist was last night £20,000 richer after scooping the prestigious Saatchi Prize for Contemporary Art. Monkseaton-born Jason Woodscrew, 14, was the unanimous choice of the judges, who praised the way his work “embraces the poetic, the logical, the sexual and the […]

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Article

CHAMPAGNE CHARLIE! Corks Pop as Merry Widower hits Medical Negligence Jackpot!

August 25, 2002

CHAMPAGNE CHARLIE! Corks Pop as Merry Widower hits Medical Negligence Jackpot!

CHAMPAGNE CHARLIE! Corks Pop as Merry Widower hits Medical Negligence Jackpot! DERBYSHIRE plumber Charlie Wheelbarrow was HALF A MILLION POUNDS richer last night – thanks to a botched operation which killed his wife. Judges ordered the bonanza payout after bungling docs gave Mary Wheelbarrow, 67, more than TEN TIMES the recommended dose of anaesthetic during a routine […]

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Article

Boy Wonder! Top marks for menty Dylan, 3

November 22, 2001

Boy Wonder! Top marks for menty Dylan, 3

Boy Wonder! Top marks for menty Dylan, 3 SOME THREE-YEAR-OLD bozz-eyed freak yesterday became the youngest kid in Britain to pass an A-level in maths. What’s more, little Dylan Plywood, a friendless misfit from Greater Manchester stunned academics by achieving TOP GRADES in all three papers. His sinister father, Max, a college lecturer taught his […]

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Article

SHAME DEFACED! Teachers brought to book over pupils’ lack of spunk

May 25, 2001

SHAME DEFACED! Teachers brought to book over pupils’ lack of spunk

SHAME DEFACED! Teachers brought to book over pupils’ lack of spunk THE STANDARD of textbook defacement in British classrooms, once the highest in the world, is slipping, according to a new report by education watchdogs. Ofsted inspectors examined Religious Education GCSE books and compared them with their counterparts from just 10 years ago. And their findings have shocked school […]

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Fat Slags

Fat Slags

March 25, 2001

Fat Slags

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Article

NOW IT’S THE EURO STOOL

March 22, 1993

NOW IT’S THE EURO STOOL

NOW IT’S THE EURO STOOL Eurocrats demand Eurocraps under E.C/s faeces regulations Eurocrat beaurocrats in Brussels are planning a new assault on the British way of life. And this time they want to get their hands on our Number Twos. According to EEC officials stools, or turds as they are sometimes known, must all fall […]

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