Profanisaurus

butler's ringpiece adj. Descriptive of something that is nipping clean. ''What can you see, Holmes?' I expostulated, as the great detective peered into his microscope. (I need not remind you of how in the past, he had solved the mystery of the Pope's cap when he found gibbon's tooth marks on the cardinal's walking stick.) 'I'm examining the handle of this dagger of unusual oriental design in the hope of finding a speck of tobacco, only available from one shop in London, or a hair from a rare species of Patagonian chinchilla,' He replied. 'However, I fear our murderer has wiped it as clean as a butler's ringpiece." (from 'The Brown Hatted League' by Sir Arthur Conan-Doyle).

beer compass n. A homing device that ensures your inexplicably safe arrival home after a night on the pop.

xylophone 1. n. Like a piano, but you twat it with little sticks. 2. v. To move along a line of naked women who are all bending down, and spank their bottoms - which are of varying sizes - with one's penis. To play a tune on women's buttocks. From the Greek xylo = wood & phonnicus = to be hit tunefully by a fat astronomer at a Royal Variety Performance.