Top tips

MAKE YOUR postman's day by opening the door as he comes up the path and saying "If there are any bills you can take them back. Ha! Ha! Ha!"

Stu Perry (Postman), Isle of Man

POTENTIAL suicidees. Increase your chances by taking more than 10 tablets, locking your front and back doors and not phoning close family friends threatening to 'do something stupid'.

James Shaw, e-mail

ROYAL PRINCES. Develop a 'knee problem' before entering military service, then you can quit a few weeks later 'devastated' by the crushing blow life has dealt you.

Sgt Sergeant, e-mail



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