Category Archive: Article

Article

Dawkins to Found Atheism Institute

November 22, 2013

Dawkins to Found Atheism Institute

Dawkins to Found Atheism Institute Cambridge boffin keen to promote ideas about religion Cambridge academic Professor Richard Dawkins has announced plans to set up a worldwide centre to promote atheism. And the outspoken scientist, whose best-selling book The God Delusion questions mankind’s need to create supernatural deities, says he will use his institute – the Worldwide Society of Atheists and Free-thinkers – to rid the […]

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Article

Last Neighbours Viewer Finally Dies

September 22, 2010

Last Neighbours Viewer Finally Dies

No-one left alive who still watches Aussie soap Last Neighbours Viewer Finally Dies The cast of Neighbours were summoned to an emergency meeting by producers yesterday, where they were informed that their last remaining viewer had died. The news brings to an end a tense few years on set, where dwindling audiences had meant many of the episodes […]

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Article

Most Haunted – BEHIND THE SCREAMS!

March 22, 2009

Most Haunted – BEHIND THE SCREAMS!

Most Haunted BEHIND THE SCREAMS! Millions of viewers tune in each week to Living TV’s Most Haunted programme, eager to watch the show’s team of intrepid ghost hunters searching for spooks in some of Britain’s eeriest locations. Yvette Fielding and her fellow paranormal investigators keep fans on the edge of their seats as they turn off the […]

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Article

Sucking Hell!

November 9, 2008

Sucking Hell!

Sucking Hell! When the UK gets sucked inside out by the CERN black hole, it will be a very different place to the one we know today. The streets will be strewn with carpets and furniture as houses suddenly find their rooms on the outside. Hungry zoo animals will roam our towns when their cages […]

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Article

Fat Britain: All Change as Obesity Epidemic Threatens UK

December 22, 2007

Fat  Britain: All Change as Obesity Epidemic Threatens UK

Fat Britain All Change as Obesity Epidemic Threatens UK Every day it seems that a new report is released predicting shocking increases in British obesity levels. According to the latest figures, 78% of the population is presently overweight, and that figure increasing every day. And if scientists’ predictions prove correct, by 2020 every single person in the country will be clinically obese. […]

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Article

Our Father Who Dart In Heaven

February 9, 2007

Our Father Who Dart In Heaven

Church Jubilant as New Miracle Discovered Our Father Who Dart In Heaven A boy tending goats on a Palestinian hillside has discovered what is believed to be a fragment of a long lost gospel. It contains an account of a miracle performed by Jesus which is not mentioned in the Bible and was previously unknown to […]

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Article

Death of the Milkman

November 22, 2005

Death of the  Milkman

Death of the Milkman Britain’s traditional randy milkman is set to become a thing of the past as demand for one of his doorstep services has slumped to an all time low. According to figures released this week, the number of scantily clad housewives demanding early morning sexual intercourse with their delivery of milk has declined tenfold in […]

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Article

Local Artist Takes Saatchi Prize

December 22, 2002

Local Artist Takes Saatchi Prize

Local Artist Takes Saatchi Prize By our art correspondent ALFRED SHAN De BASS A little known north eastern artist was last night £20,000 richer after scooping the prestigious Saatchi Prize for Contemporary Art. Monkseaton-born Jason Woodscrew, 14, was the unanimous choice of the judges, who praised the way his work “embraces the poetic, the logical, the sexual and the […]

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Article

CHAMPAGNE CHARLIE! Corks Pop as Merry Widower hits Medical Negligence Jackpot!

August 25, 2002

CHAMPAGNE CHARLIE! Corks Pop as Merry Widower hits Medical Negligence Jackpot!

CHAMPAGNE CHARLIE! Corks Pop as Merry Widower hits Medical Negligence Jackpot! DERBYSHIRE plumber Charlie Wheelbarrow was HALF A MILLION POUNDS richer last night – thanks to a botched operation which killed his wife. Judges ordered the bonanza payout after bungling docs gave Mary Wheelbarrow, 67, more than TEN TIMES the recommended dose of anaesthetic during a routine […]

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Article

Boy Wonder! Top marks for menty Dylan, 3

November 22, 2001

Boy Wonder! Top marks for menty Dylan, 3

Boy Wonder! Top marks for menty Dylan, 3 SOME THREE-YEAR-OLD bozz-eyed freak yesterday became the youngest kid in Britain to pass an A-level in maths. What’s more, little Dylan Plywood, a friendless misfit from Greater Manchester stunned academics by achieving TOP GRADES in all three papers. His sinister father, Max, a college lecturer taught his […]

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Article

SHAME DEFACED! Teachers brought to book over pupils’ lack of spunk

May 25, 2001

SHAME DEFACED! Teachers brought to book over pupils’ lack of spunk

SHAME DEFACED! Teachers brought to book over pupils’ lack of spunk THE STANDARD of textbook defacement in British classrooms, once the highest in the world, is slipping, according to a new report by education watchdogs. Ofsted inspectors examined Religious Education GCSE books and compared them with their counterparts from just 10 years ago. And their findings have shocked school […]

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Article

NOW IT’S THE EURO STOOL

March 22, 1993

NOW IT’S THE EURO STOOL

NOW IT’S THE EURO STOOL Eurocrats demand Eurocraps under E.C/s faeces regulations Eurocrat beaurocrats in Brussels are planning a new assault on the British way of life. And this time they want to get their hands on our Number Twos. According to EEC officials stools, or turds as they are sometimes known, must all fall […]

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Article

WE TURN THE TABLES ON THE TV GAME SHOW HOSTS

May 25, 1992

WE TURN THE TABLES ON THE TV GAME SHOW HOSTS

WE TURN THE TABLES ON THE TV GAME SHOW HOSTS On TV they look cool, intelligent and totally in control. As they fire questions at hopeful contestants and hand out the glittering prizes, everyone know that the TV quizmasters are in charge. BRAINY But just how brainy are the TV game show hosts. Without the […]

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Article

Fooled You! Corn Circle Mystery is Solved at Last

November 22, 1991

Fooled You! Corn Circle Mystery is Solved at Last

Corn Circle Mystery is solved at Last FOOLED YOU! ‘It was me all along says shepherd Bob’ Red faced scientists may well have to re-write their text books in the light of revelations being made by a former North Yorkshire shepherd. For Bob Johnson, who retired last year at the age of 70, claims the […]

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Article

Britain’s £150m dole fraud

November 25, 1986

Britain’s £150m dole fraud

Britain’s £150m dole fraud THREE MILLION SCROUNGERS ON THE FIDDLE ‘It’s happening all the time’ says Mr. X An unemployed Liverpool man has blown the lid off a massive social security benefit fraud which has been costing the nation millions. And startling evidence which he is about to give could lead to the prosecution of […]

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Article

THE BEATLES ARE BACK!

November 23, 1985

THE BEATLES ARE BACK!

EXCLUSIVE – THE POP SCOOP OF THE CENTURY!! THE BEATLES ARE BACK! ‘Fab Four’ re-form – new album due Yes, it’s true. Fifteen years after they split up pop legends The Beatles are set to reform. And work on a new album is already underway. Surviving members of the most successful pop group in the history of the world have consistently denied […]

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Article

Hellraiser Oliver Reid tells his own story

Hellraiser Oliver Reid tells his own story

HELLRAISER OLIVER REID TELLS HIS OWN STORY ‘I CAN DRINK 75 PINTS OF BEER’ I’m like an earthquake says Ollie EXCLUSIVE Adapted from his book I AM AN ATOM BOMB’ © Oliver Reid 1985 I’ve always had a reputation as a bit of a hellraiser. But I can’t complain. I’m a pretty wild bloke. In my time I’ve smashed […]

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Article

FAT PEOPLE ‘EAT TOO MUCH’

September 20, 1985

FAT PEOPLE ‘EAT TOO MUCH’

FAT PEOPLE ‘EAT TOO MUCH’ – Cream Buns named in Shock Food Report Eat too much and you could get fat, according to a report published this week. Specific foods singled out for attention include cream buns, chocolate cake and jam doughnuts. According to a survey carried out for no particular reason, many people in Britain are already overweight. And the report goes […]

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Article

KILLER WASP SEX VICAR IN GAY NAZI STORM

KILLER WASP SEX VICAR IN GAY NAZI STORM

KILLER WASP SEX VICAR IN GAY NAZI STORM No Girls ‘Danced Naked’ in Moonlit Devil Ritual – claim By our INVESTIGATIVE STAFF A village vicar has denied taking part in moonlit ceremonies involving naked women. And Rev. Stanley Compton has denied allegations that he is a leading member of a gay nazi movement in the quiet village of Todhamlet. CHILDREN And we were unable to find […]

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Article

SNOOKER’S HOT SHOT SAUCY SEX POT

May 29, 1984

SNOOKER’S HOT SHOT SAUCY SEX POT

SNOOKER’S HOT SHOT SAUCY SEX POT – EXCLUSIVE ‘I’M A SEXY HOT POT’ Tony’s a real tasty dish Supercue TONY KNOWLES, snooker’s number one sex symbol tells his own sensational story. The ladies call me ‘The Lancashire Hot Pot’. ‘Cos I’m a really tasty dish. BIG Being sexy is a big bonus when you’re playing […]

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